Why grooms want a girl for best man

A bride, a bridegroom, the parents, a smattering of aunties and uncles, lots of friends, bridesmaids - and, of course, a best man. All are core ingredients of the traditional wedding. However, there is a growing trend for would-be grooms to throw out the rule book and opt for best women instead.

'The first thing that happened, three or four years ago, was that people realised they could have more than one best man,' says Kelly Chandler, director of the UK Alliance of Wedding Planners and co-founder of the Bespoke Wedding company. 'Now half the weddings I organise have two or three best men. More recently, people started asking, "Why a best man? Why not a woman?" Some think that their best and closest friend is female, so why should they choose a guy?'

Chandler says that when couples realised that 'everything and anything' goes at a modern wedding, they had begun 'messing around with males in female roles and vice versa'. She had one client who had a man as chief bridesmaid. 'It may only be one in 50 weddings, but people are always looking for ways to make things different,' she said.

Deborah Joseph, editor of Brides magazine, agrees, arguing that the key for many people is to break with convention. 'People are keen to have an individual, bespoke wedding,' she says. 'They hope people will remember the day by the fact that they have done something different. I have seen mums walking brides up the aisle. Another growing trend is a hag do - the stag and hen combined.'

Jeremy Skidmore, a 45-year-old journalist, chose a female friend, Emma Wilkinson - who is also an ex-girlfriend - as his chief lieutenant to organise the stag do, carry the rings and make the speech. Emma arranged a stag night which included food at Kettners, a restaurant in Soho, London, tenpin bowling and a visit to lapdancing club Stringfellows.

'She was the only woman - an honorary bloke,' says Skidmore, laughing about the night. He said it was 'just logical' to choose Emma as his best woman. The pair went out together in the early Nineties and have been close friends ever since.

'I chose Emma because she is my best friend, but for all kinds of reasons it was a good thing,' says Skidmore. 'I knew that everyone would love her. I knew she would do a brilliant job and it was something different. I also think women are more reliable.'

Skidmore said he had 'groups' of male friends he had gathered while growing up, at university and through work, making it harder to single out a male friend. On the day itself, Wilkinson dressed in a fitted tuxedo.

'She decided to dress as a man,' says Skidmore. 'It was a bit of a joke and added to the comedy value.'

Last month, Lisa, 31, from Walthamstow, east London, acted as best woman to her friend and former boyfriend, Trev. 'I was really chuffed and I did not think it was particularly odd as I've been good friends with him for years, but I did ask whether Cathy, his wife, was OK with it,' she said. 'I felt much better when he said that it was partly her idea. Maybe she just thought I would be a reliable bet for getting him there on time and not losing the rings.'

Lisa admitted that people were surprised. 'When I told people, the reactions ranged from the odd raised eyebrow to someone asking me if it was a lesbian wedding. His male friends were most taken aback, I think, especially when they realised I was organising the stag do. Some of them were not too happy about that.'

Luckily for Lisa, she got out of one of the most daunting of best man - or woman - tasks: the speech.

• Gender
• The Observer

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